If you've been following a hockey team for a little while, you may have noticed something while reading player quotes online or in the newspaper, sometimes even in interviews.  Players have "nicknames. "  Here's an example provided by coach Brent Sutter in a post-game recap of a game last year:

"Marty played outstanding, very, very well," head coach Brent Sutter said. "I thought Ruppy (Mike Rupp) and Zubes (Zubrus) were very good tonight and Clarkie (Clarkson) was right there with them."

Now, it's not that it's a bad thing.  But I happen to think such nicknames are unimaginative.  John becomes Johnny.  Patrik becomes Patty.  Occassionally you'll get something that it's a shortened first or a last name, like Vadim Sharifjanov (Sheriff) or Sergei Brylin (Sarge).  However, I think as fans we need to take it to the next level.  IPB does it's part, for example, they refer to Bryce Salvador as the Iron Boar latest example here.  I would like to take it in a sillier direction.

• Patrik Elias = Chip Dazzlestick
• Dainius Zubrus = Crush Spacemaker
  
• Brian Gionta = Boston Explosivo
  
• Zach Parise = Prince Hustle
• Travis Zajac = Face Pivotsson
  
• Jamie Langenbrunner = Rise Highshotter
• Jay Pandolfo = Mug Wingerchuk
  
• John Madden = Boom van Stoppen
  
• David Clarkson = Smoke Pesterfield
• Mike Rupp = Surge Boardbanger
  
• Sheldon Brookbank = Grit Punchcard
  
• Bobby Holik = Stitch Boxhead
• Brian Rolston = Oak Dynashot
  
• Nicklas Bergfors = Rover Dekeland
  
• Petr Vrana = Stig Flyskate
• Barry Tallackson = Plug Buffington
• Pierre-Luc Latourneau-Leblond = Smash-Fist Painmaker-Lagoon
• Paul Martin = Moose Minuteman
• Bryce Salvador = Rocky Steadybaker
• Colin White = Block Bonecheck
  
• Johnny Oduya = Stove Doubleback
  
• Mike Mottau = Needle Clearzone
  
• Andy Greene = Poke Discbranch
  
• Anssi Salmela = Beef Shotmachine
• Martin Brodeur = Brick Mobilewall
• Kevin Weekes = Block MacShield
  
• Scott Clemmensen = Stomp Activestick
  

This list of nicknames was inspired by the wondeful riffing of Space Mutiny by MST3k; you can hear all of their, much better names for the leading man here.  Of course, nothing on this list compares to Bolt van der Huge or the others. Contribute your own in the comments!